September 11th, 2003

Siate maledetti

I was quite surprised to discover that the only Enochian texts showing up on my google searches were hymns of praise. Not a single Enochian curse. Tell me, what use are the dark pathers if they're just gonna sit around hailing Satan all the time? I need something practical, something that can make my enemies itch.

We were "discussing" patriotism on one of my high school's bulliten boards yesterday, and a bunch of otherwise respectable people began discussing their loyalty to the "American people" in ultra ambiguous terms. They seemed perfectly comfortable with this. I tried to prod them into recognizing they were just worshipping another god, a god that can weaken them before power just like any other. But no one takes the bait of a Discordian preacher anymore. (Woe to those who don't take my bait!)

I'm still trying to find out what happened to the ostensibly good gods. I guess they've learned to keep themselves appropriatly ineffable, so as not to be twisted by dead words. Of course, "good" is entirely relative and I'm still open to the possibility that what I once thought was Jesus was the antichrist all along, and that Jehovah the Space God really is the bad guy.

I should have paid more attention to the past history of prophets before I signed into this gig. What did I think, that I'd somehow evade the martyrdom that's come to the rest? That the people of God would suddenly start listening to what they've ignored for the past 6k years? Ever since I achieved enlightenment at the age of 15, I've known that the world, at its core, sucks. This I made myself intentionally ignore, so as to have a reasonably enjoyable life, but the ultimate truth of it all keeps seeping through the cracks. The ones you love most dearly will be the death of those you love in theory...this is how it's always been. I know because God told me so. God got bored of smiting us with purpose a long time ago...now we're left to smite ourselves for no particular reason at all.

My only hope is to complete the design of my contradiction generator and wormhole out of this mess. That is to say, our only hope is hope itself.